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:: Tuesday, October 28, 2003 ::

The Matrix Revolutions: An Unmitigated Piece of Tripe (Warning: the entire movie is about to be "spoiled" if you haven't seen it, though I'm wondering about the appropriateness of describing as "spoiled" something which arrived Rotten)

Wow. Just wow. A franchise that started out with a fascinating premise and ubercool visuals, winds down with more predictability then a form letter and more numbing special effects then Jerry Bruckhemier's entire cinematic portfolio. Nothing is answered by this movie; the killer twist at the end of Reloaded which sparked so much controversy (Neo being able to stop the machines in the Real World) is dismissed with the explanation that Neo "is connected to the Source". How? Why? The nature of this connection? Neo didn't feel the need to follow up, since he just nods his head as the conversation moves to ANOTHER TOPIC. Perhaps Neo needs some interpersonal communications skills coaching.

Well maybe that would be useful, if he wasn't DEAD. Yes, Neo dies, and pointlessly, after Trinity, kickass leather-clad bodacious uberbabe Trinity, dies by getting poked with a metal thingy in the real world. Before dying, she gives a death speech longer then SNL would even do as a parody of an overly long death speech, then Neo goes to negotiate with the Big Machine Head for peace for humanity in exchange for defeating the Smiths. Big overly warbled machine head agrees, and the final battle begins.

I did skip over the defense of Zion; some pointless characters we don't give a fuck about re-enacting the end of Aliens with CG for about 20 minutes; lets just say the machines break through and are about to kill all the humans when they're saved by Neo striking his deal up.

Then the final battle. Superman vs Superman, until Neo lets Smith "turn him" into another Smith, yet somehow corrupts him from within. All the Smiths die, Neo dies, pointless characters in Zion are saved. Hurrah! Erm...

Those killer twists you were expecting? Pfft, keep dreaming; Star Wars is a Twilight Zone-marathon of twists next to this predictable piece of crap. Emotional impact? Pfft. When Trinity dies, its hard to care. When Neo dies, its just kind of annoying. When pointless characters die, its vaugely satisfying. The only good performance in this entire movie is, of course, Hugo Weaving; but even he gets wasted since a large portion of his screen time is spent doing Superman stunts.

There is no doubt in my mind that all this talk of the Matrix being "originally conceived" as a Trilogy are total crap. The thing is, even if that's true, it could have ended so, so much better then this. I could jam out a script in a few hours that would be way more satisfying then what was actually filmed. In short, it sucks, wait for the video if you need to see it, and start making rationales for how "The Matrix was really over with the first one" ala fans of the original Star Wars trilogy; you'll need them as coping mechanisms.
:: Justin 11:14 AM [+] ::

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